2 new zivity sets

photographed by sinead mccarthy.

1. “hipster after-party”
www.zivity.com/models/raggedyannika/photosets/12

2. “floral tights”
www.zivity.com/models/raggedyannika/photosets/11

many of you have probably been wondering what the hell zivity is since i started posting these blogs promoting my sets.
it’s a relatively new site featuring erotic photography ranging from clothed to very unclothed – many of the models are “alternative,” though not all of them.
models and photographers receive royalties depending on the popularity of their photosets. this is determined by how many votes their sets receive. (all members are given votes to use on their favorite sets.)

many popular alt/fetish models have content on zivity, such as apneatic, darenzia, and mosh.
many brilliant photographers showcase their work on zivity as well, such as chase lisbon and lithium picnic.

if you’re into the kind of photography/erotica on the site, it’s definitely in your best interest to join and vote. when you vote for photosets, it encourages us to shoot more of them!

join here: http://www.zivity.com/join

xoxo
-raggedy

first experience with my diana f+

as i’ve announced all over a variety of social networky places, i got a diana f+ camera for christmas. it appealed to me because i have a lot of affection for old-fashioned gadgets (this is why i have a landline phone) and the camera is designed to take nostalgic looking photos.

well, i did some research online about how to adjust aperture shutter speed, and other technological things….and i surprisingly liked a couple of the photos that came out!

(disclaimer: my goal here isn’t to be a technologically proficient photographer, although that would be nice someday. i want my images to be beautiful, different, and interesting nonetheless.)

here are the photos i’m not scared to show people:

1. “the old geezer’s mailbox”

my grandpa has a unique sense of humor. this is his mailbox, with an intentional spelling error. i like how the lettering came out so sharp and prominent while the edges of the photo are less focused with some little streams of light.

2. “coping mechanisms”

i think it’s fitting that this came out so hazy…i imagine someone with a cupboard like this would view the world through hazy eyes.

3. “anywhere, east village.”

titled as such because every apartment building has a wrought iron gate and walk-up. it’s always occurred to me as being good to photograph because of the contrast, sharp edges, and reflectiveness. the reflectiveness definitely shows in this shot.

oh, and i’d really appreciate constructive criticism and advice on how to better shoot with film. knowledgeable people, don’t hesitate to comment!

things that went through my head as i walked home from lit.

i have a newfound fondness for making people little bags of goodies for their birthday.
i apologize for the recent-ish birthdays that i missed. the idea hadn’t hit me yet. bad timing.
speaking of birthdays, mine is coming up. february 26th! (and i’ll be hosting trash.) i won’t say how old i’m turning because eventually i won’t want people having references to determine my age by.

earlier i was on the verge of lashing out via twitter or this blog or something internety at people i was friends with last year (whom i don’t speak to anymore) for letting me get “carried away” with certain unhealthy tendencies. it’s true – there were a lot of destructive forces in my life last year that made me feel worthless and dehumanized. it would have been so easy to blame this on them.
but truthfully – i can’t. it wouldn’t be true.
my relapse was a long-time-coming phenomenon. i idolized individuals of a certain body type and wanted to look like them – more importantly, i wanted to FEEL at ALL TIMES that i looked like them. it wasn’t because anyone told me to strive for it. in my distorted little mind, i considered it beautiful. and still do. i have since i was 12 and i have no shame in saying i always will.
having no one to blame is decidedly disappointing. i wish there were someone i could attack for triggering this. but there isn’t. my own unhealthy ideals of beauty and confidence put me in a dangerous place, as they have every 2 years or so. now i’m stuck (temporarily) with lethargy, low stamina, vicious moods that cloud my mind every few hours. also i’m banned from gogo dancing and a lot of people don’t want to photograph me anymore. bummer.
what’s really fucked up is that there are people who still think i’m sexy, or tell me they wish they had a body like mine. maybe it’s something wrong with new york. or maybe a decade or two of seeing the likes of kate moss in print has lead to a more widespread neurosis than we realize. whatever the reason, it doesn’t help anyone.

i’m confident in my belief that deliberate weight gain as an anorexic is equally unpleasant as deliberately losing weight as an overweight (or healthy) person.

i’m going to stop typing this blog about anorexia because it’s a real downer. and not the good kind of downer! on a brighter note, i’m playing two concerts tomorrow night. la cenerentola uptown, then AUTODRONE AT 200 ORCHARD AT 11:30 COME SEE US!!

viola recordings!

i finally made some recordings…there are only 2 of them, but many more to come!
http://www.mediafire.com/annikafrances
i am not a juilliard caliber violist but i do what i can.
i would get a music myspace so they’d be easier to listen to without downloading, but it feels futile to expend any effort or time on a dying networking site.

neurotic painting spree

i can’t function if i’m not comfortable in my working/living environment. i get entirely too distracted.
so what with my resolution to deal with my health problems, a new semester at school, and ambitions to secure some reliable career paths, i decided it was time to dissemble and assemble my room.
(not much ended up changing – it’s mostly just cleaner and the decor is much more minimalist.)
i invested in some paints and vastly improved some furniture/storage pieces with them. i’m not a painter. at all. so i’m fairly pleased.

this jewelry box used to be covered in vibrant colors. then i went all annika on it.

i added some embellishments to my vanity table:

then there was this formerly unpainted wood table i found on the street a few months back. (no, it did not have bedbugs.) i put my fear of toxic paint fumes aside and made it pretty. plain, but pretty. maybe i’ll take out the black acrylics out again later.

(and yes, that is carly milne’s “naked ambition” on the table. excellent read…so much insight into the porn industry.)

now my room smells like an art studio. i dig that.

combining interests.

i thought about getting into burlesque a few months back, but quickly realized i don’t have the creativity to put together an act, or the grace to perform it adequately.

but i think it would be a tragic waste of training and experience if i didn’t put together a burlesque viola performance.
seriously, how many naked violists are there in the world?

and if i do nothing else with music, at least i’ll have something unique and colorful to show for all my years of practice.

oh. and i got these back from george pitts yesterday. one of them is featured on late night feelings.

the elephant in the room.

i’m not blogging about this in an attempt to exhibit my problems to the world. it’s just more practical then say…holding a giant meeting. or privately messaging everyone who may care.

first of all, i’m in no immediate medical danger. i’ve seen several doctors throughout the semester, and my vital signs are exemplary. i’m also working with an EXCELLENT therapist.
bone density issues are in my future for sure, but i’ll cross that bridge when i get to it.

also i don’t have ANY intentions of getting any smaller. i haven’t for months – i just didn’t have the willpower to change my habits until now. i have a goal weight, and it is higher than my current weight. i’m taking deliberate action to get there, quickly and healthfully.

do keep in mind that i first became anorexic at the age of 12, and had a lot of pre-existing insecurities about my body. (early years of dance, gymastics, and a crazy mother who talked about weight all the time.) i know A LOT about this neurosis – few people can tell me anything about it that i don’t know already from research or personal experience.

my self-image and beauty ideals are flawed for life. i don’t care to change this – it’s become a part of my identity and the way i see the world. i do, however, insist upon being tiny without looking like walking death. for years i was able to maintain this, but a combination of factors knocked me off balance starting midway through last year. relapses happen.

since maybe….august, i’ve been uncomfortable with the level at which my bones protrude, and alarmed by the numbers that show when i step on a scale. now it’s become clear that the effects of my problem are MUCH more widespread than i realized. so – please don’t worry about me. i’m eating again. (not a ton, but enough to make my brain start producing seratonin again.) i’ve also stopped being vegan for the time being. i figure i can take on more of life with some extra storage energy. and look more adorable with a rounder bum.

is that all i meant to say? i think that’s all.

a lot of you mean much more to me than you know, and your concern has deeply affected me. without you i’d be miserable, wouldn’t give a shit about what happens to me, and would probably be in the hospital or dead. thank you for being true friends. <3

just another week – la cenerentola, trash, and a RANT!!!

i don’t know who recommended me for this gig, but THANK YOU, anonymous do-gooder! i’m the violist (yes, singular) for capitol height’s lyric opera’s production of La Cenerentola (thurs 1/21 and fri 1/29 7:30 at symphony space). just in time too….i had a melt down/massive panic attack last night because i somehow convinced myself i wasn’t into music anymore. then at rehearsal today i realized that my infatuation with ensemble music hasn’t waned. i can still get into this intoxicated, tranquil zone when i’m playing with a good group with pleasant energy.
anyway, if you’re into operas, or rossini, or early 19th century music, COME! if i can hand out any free tickets i’ll be sure to let people know.

trash was an absolute blast on friday. it was dj jess’s 22nd birthday, so the studio was PACKED, the gogos were fuckin slammin’, and ms. stormy leather performed a breathtaking number where she tied herself up shibari-style.


david+me looking thrilled to pieces as always.
then about 25 people administered jess’s birthday spanking. amazingly, no one was injured.


i <3 the trashcrew.

ONTO A LESS PLEASANT NOTE:
you'd think that in a subgenre such as "alt modeling" where we're all out to make art, (clearly, because amazing work is produced, and we're all dirt-poor) people would show a certain degree of honesty and non-flakiness. but no. this past week i made a trip to boston specifically to shoot web content with a photographer that i've been acquainted with for a good few months. this content was likely to generate some royalties for both of us. while i was on the fung wah to boston, this fellow tells me he can't shoot because he has the flu. huge bummer, but people get sick.
yesterday when i checked twitter, he had posted pictures of another model he had shot 2 days later.
without even attempting to reschedule with me.
i've had it. i love modeling, and i love combining visions and ideas to create beautiful pictures. but the amount of politics and favoritism that poisons the alt field nauseates me. from now on, i'm only modeling for trusted, good friends. and people/clients who pay me generously. i won't waste my time and energy on people who don't acknowledge my skills as a model, reliability, and honesty.
it figures that models who are notorious for sleeping around are given priority.
i won’t slander the photographer any further than saying that was a SEVERE bitch move. and a huge insult to me. if i respect someone as an artist and a human being, i can’t shit-talk any more than is deserved in good conscience.
but seriously! why would you flake on a shoot that has the potential to make $200 for each the model and the photog?? gahh!!! whatever happened to reliability?

tonight there will be apathy angel’s birthday festivities at “oh you pretty things” at don hills! come out

re-decorating time

looking to change my surroundings a bit.
so i’m selling some things.
chinese tapestry:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/art/1556573397.html
urban outfitters chinese style lamp:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/app/1556573789.html
contact me at the anonymous CL emails if interested.

just a few lil updates

i’m in boston for a little bit. again. i came for a photoshoot that ended up being cancelled, so i’m just existing in leisure. spent the morning with julia glenn (we went to peets! score)- tonight i’m going to crimebridge. tomorrow i’m going to the city to see a couple of ladies and do some thrifting.
i went to wellesley MA wearing torn leggings and tranny pink tights today. i thought that was a hoot.
i shot two DIY sets for dangerous dolls today. they’re going to look fabulous once i edit them.
i also FINALLY got my hands on my diana F+ mr. pink camera, which unfortunately did not come with a user manual. julia and seem to have figured out how to insert the film, but the thing isn’t snapping images yet. hopefully later this evening i’ll have made more progress with it.

i’ve finalized my next tattoo design. i’m adding to the ribbon on my right arm – some spiral patterns and differently sized ribbons. i don’t have a scanner here, so i have no preview images yet. hopefully soon i’ll have an actual tattoo photo to post as opposed to my silly little sketches.

i just began sorting out my schedule for the semester. i’ll be officially completing my BA in music with a minor in psych by may! full 18 credit schedule. (not overwhelming, but more substantial than last semester for sure.)
i also got called for a paid music gig. playing rossini for a small opera company.
i feel uncomfortably non-trashy at the moment.

i have some new upcoming projects that i’m tremendously excited about. not going to discuss them yet. might not discuss them on this blog at all. i will say that the next few months are going to be jam-packed with work and scandal.

come to “oh you pretty things” this sunday at don hill’s! michael T and twig the wonderkid, bowie tribute music, cabaret by stormy leather and the flying fox, fashion show, and gogo dancing! (also a celebration for my good friend apathy’s birthday.)