pasties…so to speak.

i think i’ll dance like this more often.

new art.

apneatic.
(based on a SG photo by lithium picnic)

based on a photo by dastardly dave:

sometimes i like to draw food.

drawing this made me so hungry.

just me.

i had a 3-day long manic episode – i won’t lie, i was pretty freakin productive, and very cordial throughout most of it. yesterday i went up to the bronx to shoot with steve azzara – that guy’s great – we zipped through 2 beautiful photosets. then i hopped back on the train and went to park slope to rehearse for a music gig i found. i was geographically all over the place.

today my entire body ached and i was physically too tired to walk farther than yaffa cafe. my brain was so foggy, and all i wanted to do was slap someone or verbally snap at them. ugh.
after a few hours of quietly doing work and eating some healthy food, i feel balanced again – the next few days should be pretty stable.
the extremes are unsettling nonetheless.

i’m so torn as to wear i should search for work next year – my life has become so ensconced in new york and the vast majority of my friends are here. i’ve become comfortable with the scene, and i realize i’ll have more opportunities here than anywhere as far as gigs (of any kind) go.

then again, the expense of living is completely absurd. i could financially be more comfortable in the outskirts of boston. furthermore, new york has exacerbated my anxiety over the years and i’ve been eager to move someplace more peaceful and quaint.
however, the idea of carving out a new niche for myself – not ideal.

i think it’s going to be determined by whichever city can offer me better work as a musician. i can always travel back and forth to see people, model, do the odd gig here and there.

for now i’m going to focus on nailing all my finals and savoring having the apartment to myself for a week.

i leave you with this photo taken of me by howard schatz in october.

it took days to get all that syrup off.

autodrone, thankstaking, and insomnia nyc

the show was fuckin’ kickass last night. i didn’t forget my pickup this time. thanks so much to everyone who came – even though i don’t know whom most of you were – the fact that you love us is taken deeply to heart.

mercury lounge is seriously the best venue i’ve ever played at. for once i could hear my own instrument on stage!

i finally got to meet the lovely darenzia, a friend of autodrone. i love meeting fetish/alt models in real life. this lady is truly beautiful and charming.

i went on a brief escapade to boston for thanks-taking. hopped on the fung wah right after glamdammit. i spent the day taking cold medicine and other pharmaceuticals – nevertheless it was still a godawful day. aside from the fact that i got to see my girl anna. and my grandma…i brought some samples of my artwork and we bonded over our mutual hobby of drawing/painting pretty pictures.

i’m dancing at this event tomorrow night. insomnia nyc, 9 pm at le poisson rouge. a bunch of burlesque acts and variety shows – i’ll be gogo dancing between sets.

intense action and the crash

starting last thursday i managed to gogo dance at nc 17 after playing a concert, go to rehearsal at 10 am the next day, go to a doctors appointment that afternoon, then work at trash the following night. astoundingly i felt great throughout, but i’ve been a zombie for the past 3 days. i guess i’m not invinceable.
i want more pink lingerie.

on saturday i figured out that charcoal is the solution to all my problems with drawing.

i’m going to boston for literally a day this week. catching the early morning fung wah after i dance at glamdammit on wednesday night, then coming back in time to play the autodrone show on friday (mercury lounge 10 pm!!). i probably wouldn’t bother to go except that my sis from another miss is going to be in natick!

i’m still tired…i’m gonna sit around and not practice for the evening i think. my legs are screaming “DON’T MAKE ME MOVE, BITCH!”

-A

angst. lots of it.

i thought i was fine until i was in the midst of practicing today and i suddenly had to put my viola down so i could sit on my bed and cry.

i’ve been feeling nauseous for days. i’m exhausted but my brain won’t go to sleep. it’s not a physical illness.

i’m pretty good about being nonchalant about trivial things that don’t matter in the long run. usually.

but it’s a bit of a mindfuck when someone lavishes you with attention then abruptly stops without explanation.
is it really worth the effort? isn’t it a waste of your time too?
in the end it’s just unnecessary cruelty.

oh, and i’m not above the phrase “don’t get involved with that fucker.” it’s a small world. and when it comes down to it, no one keeps their mouth shut.

autodrone live at mercury lounge, november 27th, 10 pm

we rocked out at cmj, next stop is mercury lounge! mark your calendars! we’re hard at work preparing for our next concert – friday, november 17th, 10 pm.
217 east houston street, NY, NY 10002

-if we’re friends, contact me for the guestlist-

looking forward to seeing you there.

it’s november. i’m wearing a miniskirt.

i’m in this strange emotional cycle where i fluctuate between being entirely too intense and full of feelings and being completely vacant and devoid of energy and passion. it’s such an all-or-nothing pattern. quite an exhausting one.

the reality of next year is impending. i have only a few more classes left to complete before i graduate from nyu – then i’m off to find my own jobs, gigs, whatever means of making a living i can with my limited but very specific skills.

maybe i should have chosen a different art concentration.
or maybe none of them are easy right now. i suppose artist and musicians are known for working really hard and living in cardboard boxes despite being the most brilliant individuals.

anyway, i insist upon having fun despite all this anxiety.

i was “cigarette girl” at trash this weekend. i walked around in my underwear and collected emails to promote the scene/parties.
then i fell asleep in the greenroom and realized that it’s a surprisingly soothing place to sleep, what with the reverberations from speakers and such. i had a nice nap until the security tool woke me.

i did some new art too. not gonna lie – it’s based on some alt model photography. anyone who follows the genre can probably figure out who the girls are.

apnea

zui

why yes, i do like drawing pale women with dark hair.
i always get jealous of photographers who create such beautiful pictures – i guess i want to do the same thing with drawing.

(note: i haven’t been drawing tattoos. whenever i attempt ink it comes out looking crude and awkward.)

i’ve been told my work has a bit of a “stiff outsider feel.” i’m trying to make my pieces less 2-dimensional. something about them just isn’t coming to life.

i’m off to orchestra. rehearsing some john adams and kodaly and brahms….nice lineup for the next concert.

edward gorey neglected murderess – november

nurse j. rosebeetle
tilted her employer
out of a wheelchair
and over a cliff at
sludgermouth in 1898

reflective sunday night bloggery

this past week was one of the most emotionally trying i’ve had since the beginning of the summer. i occasionally have phases where my world is turned upside-down for no reason and all i want is to get out of my own skull – tiny little inconveniences seem like enormous crises, and i feel this massive impending doom.
it’s a bitch.
so thank you, everyone, who has politely put up with my frantic 3 am text messaging all week. i’ll be here when you lose your shit.

on a delightful note, i’m pleased to announce that autodrone will be in miami december 10th-13th! it’ll be epic – i’ve never been to florida. the idea of escaping new york winter weather is amazing enough – i’m glad it’s for a band tour, above all things.

fun weekend. trash was totally cute. (happy birthday stormy leather!! mwah!)

then i gogo danced at glamdammiton saturday. it emptied out entirely too early – shame on everyone! but we all had our own dance party at the end …with a mini-audience of people sitting and drinking.

i don’t know what was going on in my mind that evening that made me decide to wear pink, but i think i may do it more often.

the good news is that i’ve continued to obsessively make new art pieces. the bad news is i have a new means of procrastinating on music.

i’ve fallen into the habit of “supporting” other artists as well. (yes. i’m the one posting porn stickers in the east village.)

a few more hours until my week officially starts. i plan on kicking it’s ass.